


Discord for the Fears

by gingerlegend



Category: The Magnus Archives (Podcast)
Genre: F/F, M/M, au where the rituals never happen i guess, but there is some development i guess, i mean its mostly shenanigans, sort of has running plot threads?, spoilers for pretty much the whole podcast thus far
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-07-15
Updated: 2020-08-11
Packaged: 2021-03-04 21:55:44
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 9
Words: 5,200
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25293553
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/gingerlegend/pseuds/gingerlegend
Summary: Annabelle Cane makes a discord and invites all the avatars and prominent followers of the various fears. Shenanigans ensue.
Relationships: Basira Hussain/Alice "Daisy" Tonner, Elias Bouchard/Peter Lukas, Georgie Barker/Melanie King, Martin Blackwood & Jonathan "Jon" Sims | The Archivist
Comments: 30
Kudos: 144





	1. Server Shenanigans

**Author's Note:**

> boneturner is Jared Hopworth.  
> Melesbian is Melanie King  
> Grifbone is Alfred Grifter  
> Worm Queen is Jane Prentiss  
> web of lies is Annabelle Cane  
> Von Isro is Orsinov (read it backward)  
> Hhhhhhhh is Helen
> 
> Edit: fixed Callum Brodie's age from 15 to 13, which is his age as of his most recent appearance in MAG173

1

**MartinGayBlackwood:**

Apparently elias and peter lukas are married again?

Don't they hate each other??

**JonSims:**

It's… complicated. Too common for me to understand it at least

**boneturner:**

_ @EBouchard @LonelyLukas _ Why DO you two keep getting back together

**EBouchard:**

I get bored watching him do nothing

**LonelyLukas:**

I need reasons to want to be alone again

2

_ A wild xXdarkshadowmonsterXx appeared! _

**Melesbian:**

who the fuck is this

**xXdarkshadowmonsterXx:**

hey watch ur language!!!! im a kid!!!!!!! 😠😡😡

**JonSims:**

This is Callum Brodie. He's thirteen years old

**MartinGayBlackwood:**

And you're an avatar? Wow, which one?

**xXdarkshadowmonsterXx:**

if u ever talk down to me again ill make sure u need a nightlight for the rest of ever

**JonSims:**

In case his username didn't make it obvious, he's an avatar of The Dark

**xXdarkshadowmonsterXx:**

Fear Me bitch

3

**Melesbian:**

_ @wtgGeorgie @wtgGeorgie @wtgGeorgie _

**wtgGeorgie:**

what is it

**Melesbian:**

this server is so lame w/o you

**wtgGeorgie:**

Then leave it. It's that simple.

**JonSims:**

Wait, since when have you been on this server, Georgie?

**wtgGeorgie:**

idk, man i got added about a month ago ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯

then i muted the server

4

**Grifbone:**

Hey guys i just released a new album

Btw does anyone know the bot command to play music in voice chat?

**Worm Queen:**

Pretty sure we don't have a bot that does that

**Grifbone:**

_ @web of lies _ can you confirm this?

**web of lies:**

I considered it. Then I decided against it.

**Grifbone:**

disappointing

5

**Hhhhhhhh:**

_ [image of Link from one of the Legend of Zelda CD-i games, with the text "I can't wait to bomb some dodongos"] _

**JonSims:**

Helen, would it kill you to stop with these meme images in lieu of actual conversation?

**Hhhhhhhh:**

🤪👘✨❔

**JonSims:**

ffs

**Von Isro:**

TECHNically she did exACtly what you asked of hER

how AMUsing! 🙂


	2. selfies and cat pictures

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Exactly what it sounds like.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> torture torcher is Jude Perry

1

**MartinGayBlackwood:**

Thought i looked cute, might delete later

**Daisy:**

?

Were you not going to send a selfie?

**MartinGayBlackwood:**

I already deleted it from my phone sorry

2

**Max Rayner:**

Here's a selfie of me back in 2015 on a business trip to norway

_ [A completely black image with the proportions of a selfie] _

**xXdarkshadowmonsterXx:**

Ur ugly lol

3

**EBouchard:**

_ [Photo of a calico cat. It is either very fluffy or very fat.] _

Look at this cat

_ @everyone _ look at it

This is peter's cat

**MartinGayBlackwood:**

Kgageksglgslwgksgkgaafk kitty!!!!!!!!!

**JonSims:**

I wouldn't have expected an avatar of the Lonely to have a pet.

**LonelyLukas:**

I only chose to get a cat because they are the only pets who prefer to ignore their owners

**JonSims:**

Could've gotten a fish.

**EBouchard:**

Her name is Madame Floofy. Sounds like the sort of name a person would give a pet that they pamper rather than leave to its own devices

**LonelyLukas:**

the naME FITS PERFECTLY

When I asked you to take care of her for the weekend, I did not ask you to take photos of her

**MartinGayBlackwood:**

Look at her!!!!!! She's so precious!!!!!!! Ahhhhhh (^‿^✿)❤❤❤

Is she in your office, elias? Can i come and pet her?

**EBouchard:**

Well,  _ @LonelyLukas _ ?

**LonelyLukas:**

I really don't care one way or the other

4

**wtgGeorgie:**

melanie and jon have both been messaging me to share photos of the admiral

so i took a few new pictures of him

**torture torcher:**

Who tf is the admiral

**wtgGeorgie:**

_ [A photo of a cat sleeping on the radiator] _

_ [A photo of the same cat lying on the radiator, awake] _

_ [A photo of the cat lying on the radiator, turned around so that the picture mostly displays his butt] _

That's the admiral

**torture torcher:**

Odd name, but cute somehow

I suppose

**boneturner:**

too much butt, not enough extra limbs

4/10, could be fleshier

**MartinGayBlackwood:**

kgesfkgwk jon!!! why didnr u evr mentipn that georfie had cat?????!!!!

**JonSims:**

It never came up?

**MartinGayBlackwood:**

Geogie!!! He's lovrly!!!!!! (ﾉ◕ヮ◕)ﾉ*:･ﾟ♡

**wtgGeorgie:**

he decided that if i was going to do a photoshoot of him, i had to get a few of his bottom

**Melesbian:**

its one of his hobbies

showing off his butt

**MartinGayBlackwood:**

What.

**JonSims:**

Can confirm. The admiral really does enjoy showing off his arse


	3. Assorted Interactions

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I really don't have any way of tying the first two parts together in the title lol. Anyway Basira likes doing speedruns and no one can convince me she doesn't.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Death Dreamer is Oliver Banks  
> Old Fairchild is Simon Fairchild
> 
> Breekon and Hope's messages will be "translated" in the end notes (written without the over-the-top accents) because their messages are intentionally hard to understand, because The Stranger is unknowable.

1

**Death Dreamer:**

this server's dead isnt it

**web of lies:**

I would personally describe it as "dormant"

And you have broken the silence

**Old Fairchild:**

thats rather ironic haha

2

**LonelyLukas:**

I absolutely hate elias bouchard he is the most insufferable person i have ever had the misfortune of meeting

**Hhhhhhhh:**

👀

**LonelyLukas:**

_ @EBouchard _ fuck you. never speak to me again

**EBouchard:**

But who else will speak to you??

**torture torcher:**

BURN

**MartinGayBlackwood:**

erm i mean,, i could

**JonSims:**

I wouldn't advise getting involved in their… relationship issues.

I recommend leaving them to their argument.

**MartinGayBlackwood:**

… alright, if you insist

3

**Basira:**

Gonna be practicing my bloodborne speedrun.

I'll be in the voice chat if anyone wants to watch

**xXdarkshadowmonsterXx:**

i bet u suck at it lol

**Daisy:**

She's been practicing for a while and she's excellent at it

**xXdarkshadowmonsterXx:**

ur just saying that cuz shes ur girlfriend and you have to say nice things abt her

im gonna watch her fail lol

4

**Daisy:**

_ @Breekon @Hope _ shut the hell up.

**Breekon:**

Wha'ever are ye talkin bout m8?

**Hope:**

We're jus' watchin an' talkin

**Daisy:**

The two of you have been talking nonstop

And your accents are so bad that i can't even understand half of what youre saying

**Breekon:**

Well that sounds like a personal problem, dont it, hope?

**Hope:**

Sounds like it t' me, it does

**Breekon:**

If its really botherin ye, then leave chat m8

**Daisy:**

Do you two have a death wish or smth

Because it seems like you want me to hunt you down

**Hope:**

Oi, breekon and i're jus having a good ol lot o fun, ain't we?

**Breekon:**

Aye, that there is true indeed, and it couldn' be truer

**Hope:**

ye should chill th fook out, miss tonner

**Breekon:**

If ye cant be ge'ing ur temper under control u should go an take a breather

**Daisy:**

How the fuck are you two typing your messages so fast

**xXdarkshadowmonsterXx:**

u just said the fuck word!!! Im gonna report u bitch 🔫😠😠😠😡😡😡😡😡👿

**Basira:**

Next time i practice, ill be practicing on my own

**MartinGayBlackwood:**

I've read all of breekon and hope's messages a dozen times each and i still havent a clue what either of em said.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Breekon and Hope's messages, except more comprehensible:
> 
> That sounds like a personal problem, doesn't it, Hope?  
> Sounds like it to me  
> If it's really bothering you, then leave chat  
> Yeah, Breekon and i are just having fun, aren't we?  
> Yeah, that's true, and it couldn't be truer.  
> You should chill the fuck out, Miss Tonner.  
> If you don't get your temper under control, you should go take a breather


	4. Not Yearning?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The gradual buildup to JonMartin begins.

1

**Ex-Archivist Gertrude Robinson:**

_ @web of lies _ What was your motive for creating this server?

**web of lies:**

¯\\_(ツ)_/¯

**JonSims:**

wait gertrude's on this server? how is she alive?!?!

**EBouchard:**

you could just  _ Know _ the answer

**JonSims:**

To be honest, I would actually rather not know.

2

**LonelyLukas:**

you ever just wanna marry someone to know the overwhelming loneliness of gradually drifting away from your spouse and knowing that the love is fading

**EBouchard:**

get over here you emo bitch I got the paperwork

**MartinGayBlackwood:**

theyre at it again…

**EBouchard:**

jealousy does not suit you, martin

**MartinGayBlackwood:**

WHAT.

JEALOUS OF WHO

OF YOU? OF PETER?

**EBouchard:**

jealous of both of us. as we have an actual relationship, but you don't

**Hhhhhhhh:**

_ [gif of Cookie Monster eating a cookie] _

3

**JonSims:**

I'm still trying not to think about Gertrude somehow being on the server but it's difficult to forget

**Ex-Archivist Gertrude Robinson:**

It's actually quite simple, but if you don't even have the wits to look for it, why should I bother.

**MartinGayBlackwood:**

oh ffs i just figured it out

jon, click on "gertrude's" name

**JonSims:**

FUCKING REALLY

IT'S NOT GERTRUDE

*NotGertrude

**Not Gertrude Robinson:**

it was fun while it lasted i suppose

**JonSims:**

fuck off

4

**xXdarkshadowmonsterXx:**

my mom says i shouldnt be talking to random adults online but she doesnt know anythnig

i know more than her abt the wolrd and fears and darknses

she nags me so much 😠😠

**MartinGayBlackwood:**

It only just occurred to me that Callum is the only minor on this server

this really does feel wrong and bad

**xXdarkshadowmonsterXx:**

FCUK U!! IM NOT A STUPID CHILD IM LIKE 13!!!!! ASSHOLE!!!!!

ILL REPORT U BITCH

**JonSims:**

I don't believe that you can report someone for a comment like that.

**xXdarkshadowmonsterXx:**

DOES IT LOOK LIKE I FUKCING CARE!!! 😡😡😡

**JonSims:**

Technically I can't tell if you look like you care because I can't see you.

**xXdarkshadowmonsterXx:**

SMARTASS SON OFF A BITCH I HOPE U DIE

5

**MartinGayBlackwood:**

does anyone have a playlist for gay yearning

i'm feeling a bit shit rn

**Melesbian:**

I'll DM you my yearning playlist

**JonSims:**

You and Georgie live together. How do you yearn?

**Melesbian:**

don't fucking test my patience jon

**JonSims:**

Btw Martin, please back to work. Don't keep making Tim and Sasha pick up your slack.

**MartinGayBlackwood:**

ok

**Basira:**

that was savage

**MartinGayBlackwood:**

(T_T)


	5. Romantic tension? In MY archival staff?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Its more likely than you think

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Killerslegacy is Julia Montauk  
> Vampire_h8r is Trevor Herbert

1

**MartinGayBlackwood:**

Its yearning hours again

oh fuck jons typing ILL GET BACK TO WORK IM SORRY

**JonSims:**

I just wanted to ask you something. Could you come by my office, since you don't seem to be busy

**MartinGayBlackwood:**

Erm alright ill be right there

**Melesbian:**

_ @basira @daisy _ how much you wanna bet that martin's expecting something romantic and jon just wants to complain abt his "thoroghness"

**Basira:**

Shit, that's exactly what i was thimking

**Daisy:**

That's what  _ everyone  _ was thinking

**EBouchard:**

You never know. Jon might surprise you.

**Hhhhhhhh:**

[Stock image of kermit the frog, with watermarks from a stock photo website]

**Von Isro:**

i aGREE with heleN 😎

**Killerslegacy:**

I don't think itll happen.

**EBouchard:**

Want to bet, Ms. Montauk? I'm quite confident about this.

**LonelyLukas:**

Don't bother. Elias is clearly watching this go down

**Vampire_h8r:**

Smug son of a bitch already Knows the answer, doesn't he?

2

**MartinGayBlackwood:**

_@basira_ think ill pass on drinks tonight after all (^_^)

Thanks for inviting me tho

**Basira:**

Have a nice evening then

**MartinGayBlackwood:**

?

Oh fuck all of you i just scrolled up in chat

jon better not see any of that

**EBouchard:**

It's quite rare for him to read messages that he missed

**Daisy:**

Congrats anyway martin

**MartinGayBlackwood:**

It's not like that. He just wants me to help him figure something out

He asked tim already but i guess i know more abt the subject at hand

Or smth like that, idk

**web of lies:**

It seems Elias Bouchard is almost as skilled at misdirection as I am. Impressive.

**EBouchard:**

¯\\_(ツ)_/¯

**Vampire_h8r:**

Cheeky bastard

3

**DeathDreamer:**

Its been almost 4 days since anyone used this server.

**Von Isro:**

oh but the sERVER ISNt dead. i believE WE ARe all just

Biding ouR TIME

**Asshole Archivist:**

What are you even talking about? Biding your time for what exactly?

**Basira:**

What do you  _ think _ , jon? Scroll up through the chat ffs

**MartinGayBlackwood:**

You realize that this is not Jon, right? Its NotJon, i assume

**NotJon:**

You couldn't let me keep making drama for a moment, could you, Martin?

**MartinGayBlackwood:**

凸(`Д´#)

**Basira:**

I should have known that jon wouldn't call himself an asshole

Even tho he is one

And dont you dare defend him martin i see you typing

**MartinGayBlackwood:**

Actually i was going to agree with you

I like him anyway but im not naive

**xXdarkshadowmonsterXx:**

Wow gayboy actually has some guts

**MartinGayBlackwood:**

You shut up, callum

**xXdarkshadowmonsterXx:**

IMMA REPORT U FOR BIENG MEAN U FUCKN BITCH

4

**MartinGayBlackwood:**

Wkgsgkkgssgkgskack im so fucking gay help me

**Melesbian:**

What did jon do to you? Do you need me to beat him up?

**MartinGayBlackwood:**

Hes being nice and good to me ?

And every time i open my mouth i say something dumb

I just feel so

Idk, its hard to think

Holdon he jus gotback

**Basira:**

Good luck i guess

**MartinGayBlackwood:**

Alright i just offered him some tea and

He said yes? And he just. His smile

I melted

**Basira:**

Thats adorable

**MartinGayBlackwood:**

And then i invited him out

But i forgot to specify it was a date

So now im not sure if he knows i like him what do i do help me

Im a mess

**xXdarkshadowmonsterXx:**

Ew dating

Thats gay

**MartinGayBlackwood:**

…

**xXdarkshadowmonsterXx:**

Ur gay and jonn is gonna break ur haert abd ur gonna cry big gay tears

**MartinGayBlackwood:**

You know i call  _ myself  _ gay already

Its a crappy insult when i already use it as a good thing, callum

**xXdarkshadowmonsterXx:**

DONT FKUCIN PATRONNIZE ME U FUCKING GAY DUMMASS

ILL FUCKING RUIN UR LIFE

**MartinGayBlackwood:**

Been there, done that

Got any better threats or insults?

**xXdarkshadowmonsterXx:**

I HATE U I HOPEU DIE

IM LOGGNIN OFFF FUCK U

**Daisy:**

Damn, martin

You actually shut him up

**MartinGayBlackwood:**

Its probably past his bedtime anyway

I bet i did his mum a favor

**Melesbian:**

lol nice

**MartinGayBlackwood:**

Didnt even have to tell him to "get rekt"

Wait do kids still say that??

**Basira:**

¯\\_(ツ)_/¯


	6. Too tired for snark?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jon is tired. Martin is gay. What else is new?

1

**Hhhhhhhh:**

[Image of a book bound in leather. The title has been covered up with a white rectangle, and the word "book" is there in black Arial font, but the K is backwards]

**JonSims:**

Quick question for you helen

Why?

**Hhhhhhhh:**

[Image of a cloudy sky. There is clip art of a happy-looking cartoon frog with a white background. The words "graphic design is my passion" are there in red Papyrus font text. The image's resolution is lower than the meme normally is]

**JonSims:**

I don't know why I even bothered to ask.

**Hhhhhhhh:**

[Image of a blue door, although the lighting looks all wrong. The places where shadows should be are bright.]

**JonSims:**

Oh my god helen it took me a second to realize it but

[Same image, with inverted colors. The door is actually dark yellow.]

Honestly what the fuck was the point of that

**Hhhhhhhh:**

👁👃👁

👅

🤛🏻 👗 🤜🏿

🦵 🦵 🦵

**boneturner:**

Lol nice

2

**LonelyLukas:**

Elias is a piece of shit i fucking hate him

**JonSims:**

here we go again

**EBouchard:**

For the record, I would like to point out that everyone already knows I'm a piece of shit. Peter Lukas knew full well what re-marrying me would lead to.

**LonelyLukas:**

go fucking stalk someone asshole

i'm uninstalling discord from my phone

**MartinGayBlackwood:**

is he going to be ok?

**EBouchard:**

He'll be fine

3

**Daisy:**

hey. hhey

hey everyone i just

i jusdt wanna say

i love my gf

**Basira:**

sorry abt this everyone, she's drunk.

**Melesbian:**

lol

i also love my gf

_ @wtgGeorgie _

**wtgGeorgie:**

i've literally been DMing you for the last hour or two

**Melesbian:**

so?

**wtgGeorgie:**

i love you

happy now?

**Melesbian:**

yeah actually i just wanted everyone to know how much i love you

and how much you love me

**wtgGeorgie:**

you're ridiculous

4

**MartinGayBlackwood:**

hey has anyone seen my cassettes?

i recorded a bunch of my poetry on them and i can't find them

**Killerslegacy:**

why would you record them on a cassette? seems kinda pointless to me

**MartinGayBlackwood:**

its got that lo-fi charm to it

adds the tape hiss sound

anyway i can't find them

**EBouchard:**

Check behind your bed

**MartinGayBlackwood:**

Oh there they are! Thank you, Elias.

Also please stop watching constantly. It's annoying.

5

**JonSims:**

fuck i am so exhausted

**MartinGayBlackwood:**

do you want some tea?

**JonSims:**

oh

that'd be nice. thank you martin

**Basira:**

jon  _ must _ be really tired if he's not being sarcastic

**Melesbian:**

lol

6

**MartinGayBlackwood:**

Jons taking a nap right now

**Basira:**

Willingly??

**Daisy:**

What, did you drug him or something?

**MartinGayBlackwood:**

Even if that had been my plan, he was asleep before i got there with his tea

I think he fell asleep right after recording a statement, right on his desk

tape recorder was still going

Turned it off for him

**Melesbian:**

Does he snore?

**MartinGayBlackwood:**

I don't want to gossip about him

But surprisingly no

Sleeps like an angel

A very tired angel, with bad posture

Oh fuck he's going to be so sore when he wakes up

Should i try to move him or wake him or something

I don't want to disturb him

you know what, im gonna move him into a less painful position

**wtgGeorgie:**

Hes a heavy sleeper. Get him onto a couch or smth

7

**MartinGayBlackwood:**

Adjdkhsfkl

Adahfkghllhlsgaf

Ahffjsdhl oh my god oh my god

**Hhhhhhhh:**

_ [Image of three question marks in Times New Roman font.] _

**MartinGayBlackwood:**

He

I picked him up

And he

He sort of turned toward me

And i don't know what he was dreaming abt but he

He sort of hugged me?????

I am, kind of freaking out

Oh shit i think hes awake

Wait no he just shifted a bit on the cot

**Daisy:**

You mean the couch?

**Basira:**

Oh no

Martin, you didnt bring him all the way to your cot, did you?

**MartinGayBlackwood:**

His couch is covered in papers and tape recorders

Idk i wasn't thinking

Also jon is surprisingly light

**wtgGeorgie:**

No kidding

He hates being picked up, mostly because its extremely easy to

But you didnt hear that from me

**MartinGayBlackwood:**

👀


	7. Elias Bitchard

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> more JonMartin (officially dating now), more LonelyEyes, a bit of wtgfs, but most importantly? Callum Brody being an edgy lil shit

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If yall couldnt tell, Callum is my favorite character to write for in this fic. The way he overuses emojis is inspired by the way my bestie's youngest brother texts.

1

**xXdarkshadowmonsterXx:**

Sup bitches i made art

Look at my awesome oc

Hes a monster that u cant see

Hes not invisible, u just cant see him because its alwasy too dark

_ [Photo of a drawing that has been scribbled over. Its hard to tell what the drawing was originally of] _

**wtgGeorgie:**

It looks like you drew something, then scribbled over it

**EBouchard:**

He did. He just didn't like it so he scratched it out

**xXdarkshadowmonsterXx:**

fuck u you know it aLL BITCH I HATE U AND I HOEP U DIEEE 😡😡😡😡😡😡😠😠😠😠🖕🖕🖕🖕🖕

**MartinGayBlackwood:**

Don't give him a hard time elias

Sharing one's art is a very personal thing and we should be supportive

**xXdarkshadowmonsterXx:**

fuck u i play fortnite!!!! I play fortnite adn redisent evil

i dont need a gay bitch like u to stick up for me 🖕🖕🖕🖕🖕🖕

**MartinGayBlackwood:**

Ok, suffer without support then

I have to go anyway

_ @wtgGeorgie @melesbian  _ what time are we meeting again?

**wtgGeorgie:**

ill dm you

**xXdarkshadowmonsterXx:**

BE IN AWE OF MY BADASS MONSTER U FUCKIN BICTHESSSSS 😡😡😡😡😡😠😠😠😠

🖕🖕

2

**LonelyLukas:**

Elias Bouchard is busy at the moment, but he wanted me to do this

_ @JonSims _ 👁

3

**JonSims:**

Wtf was the point of that

**LonelyLukas:**

idk

_ @EBouchard  _ ur not busy anymore

Care to explain?

**EBouchard:**

No thanks

**JonSims:**

ffs

Im actually doing things right now

**Basira:**

Didn't realize Martin was called "things" now

**JonSims:**

Get your mind out of the gutter basira

**Daisy:**

Sgsdhkglhk

4

**NotThey/NotThem:**

Why isn't there any drama on this server anymore??

**Vampire_h8r:**

Why don't we make bets on what's happening at that double date

**LonelyLukas:**

Wait what double date

**Grifbone:**

Jon and Martin with Georgie and Melanie

**LonelyLukas:**

Oh

I didn't realise

At all

Been distracted by

Nvrmind

**EBouchard:**

He's been preoccupied with yours truly

If you know what i mean

**xXdarkshadowmonsterXx:**

fuckin gross old men i don't wanna hear abt your gross old love life 🤢

**Hhhhhhhh:**

_ [Image of a cartoon dog sitting at a table. The room around him is aflame. A text bubble says "This is fine" but the N has been replaced by the letter R in a drastically different font.] _

**torture torcher:**

Yeah callum's right. No one wants to hear abt gross old men

where r all the milfs at smh

**xXdarkshadowmonsterXx:**

ur gross too

fire loving weirdo lesbitch

**Melesbian:**

Holy shit

Gimme a sec

**Hhhhhhhh:**

❓❓❓

**Melesbitch:**

New nickname

Thank u callum, i couldnt have done this without u

**xXdarkshadowmonsterXx:**

WHY IS EVERYONE HERE A WEIRDO FREAK-ASS IDIOT MORON

**Daisy:**

Life's too short to be normal

**Death Dreamer:**

Aint that the truth

**web of lies:**

I won't deny that, but keep in mind that this server is entirely compromised of those with a direct connection to specific fears.

We embody the supernatural. We are all weirdness incarnate

**xXdarkshadowmonsterXx:**

i literally have no idea what u mean

stop trying to b poetic and start mking sense

**Melesbitch:**

Btw if anyone here talks shit abt me or georgie i will destroy u 🔪

Jon and martin are fair game tho

5

**MartinGayBlackwood:**

Is it weird to date my boss

**Melesbitch:**

It was weirder when u were hopelesly in love w him even tho he was utter shit to u

**MartinGayBlackwood:**

He wasn't that bad!!!!

**Melesbitch:**

Yes he was

Ask literally anyone

**wtgGeorgie:**

You could even ask jon ffs

He probably regrets bein shitty to u but that doesnt excuse it

**MartinGayBlackwood:**

I forgive him for it!!

**Basira:**

He's still an asshole and if he ever hurts u again i'll hunt him down and kill him myself

**Daisy:**

#AvengeMahhhhtinsHeart

**Basira:**

Sgkkgsskgsgkakfafmafm mahhhhhhhhtin

Thats EXACTLY how jon says his name

**MartinGayBlackwood:**

Asgfklk woww

6

**LonelyLukas:**

Can someone murder elias for me

I can pay very well

**MartinGayBlackwood:**

I dunno, ive tried it before

**Melesbitch:**

Same here

Dude's pretty hard to kill

**xXdarkshadowmonsterXx:**

That creep mr rayner definitely tried a few times

**Von Isro:**

I would benefit from his death, but murder is such a chore

_ @Daisy @Basira @Vampire_h8r @killerslegacy  _ peter wouLD LIKe to hire an assaSSIN

intereSTED???

**Daisy:**

Hard pass

Its no fun if its clearly impossible

**Basira:**

I really don't want to deal with him more than i have to

**Vampire_h8r:**

I can try to kill jon again

That was fun

**killerslegacy:**

Except now hes really growing into his powers

Might be unkillable now

**MartinGayBlackwood:**

Pls don't kill my boyfriend

**wtgGeorgie:**

Elias is the issue rn

But also whats the point

He'l probably die eventually

**JonSims:**

Im going to ignore the death threat for now, trevor

Elias is Jonah Magnus

Well, he was

Until he became a different person

Peter already knew, of course, but thats mostly because he's done the same thing

**MartinGayBlackwood:**

aghsgfREAYSHGJHAFDSHG FUCKIN EXPOSED

**EBouchard:**

Jon.

Come to my office for a chat.

**JonSims:**

Whatre you gonna do? Fire me?

**EBouchard:**

Get to my office

Right now.

**MartinGayBlackwood:**

Shit

Im worried now

7

**MartinGayBlackwood:**

Oh thank fucking god he's online now

_ @JonSims _ what happened???

**JonSims:**

Fucking asshole wanted to tell me he was proud of my "progress"

I wasn't worried but i still brought a knife

Just in case

**Melesbitch:**

lol relatable

**MartinGayBlackwood:**

Bouchard and Bastard have most of the same letters

Makes u think, doesn't it 🤔

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> link to the image Helen posted: https://rb.gy/pg12fb (yes i did this edit specifically for the fic.)


	8. Tim and Sasha, at long last

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tim and Sasha finally join the discord. And then Tim gets in a weird mood. Chaos ensues...

**Chapter 8: Tim and Sasha, at long last**

1

**MartinGayBlackwood:**

_ @web of lies _ is there a reason tim and sasha aren't on the server?

Tim's been asking abt it and i don't know what to tell him

**web of lies:**

I can add them. I'll just need to know their discord IDs.

Please DM me the information.

**JonSims:**

Come to think of it, who told you everyone else's discord IDs?

**web of lies:**

Who do you think, Jon? Who would I ask for information on their personal details?

**EBouchard:**

You're welcome for that, by the way, Annabelle.

👁🕸🕷

_ Hey! Listen!  _ **_owo_ ** _ has joined! _

**_Sashionista_ ** _ just joined. Everyone, look busy! _

**owo:**

whats DIS????

**Sashionista:**

Shut up tim

**owo:**

u love my humor

**Sashionista:**

I tolerate it

**MartinGayBlackwood:**

o/

**owo:**

\o

**Sashionista:**

I just had a quick look at the server member list and i only recognize 5 or 6 of them

Tim and martin of course, and jon and elias

Altho i didn't know jon had a discord

Or that elias knew what discord even was

I assume melesbitch is melanie?

**Melesbitch:**

Eyyyyyyyy

Sasha! And erm i guess owo is tim

**owo:**

Yeah it me

*its

uwu

**Sashionista:**

Excuse him, he's a disaster

**owo:**

Its truw

*true

**JonSims:**

I was wondering why you two took an early break

**owo:**

( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) u caught us

Wer playng hookey

Cant get us to com back to work tosay

*today

**MartinGayBlackwood:**

Asjdjdhjksbnm you suck at typing tim

**owo:**

( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) or maybe u jusr suck at reading

*just

**MartinGayBlackwood:**

Hold on a sec everyone

Tim snuck up on me and h

Hes trilnh to tke m y pho 

Excus me

.

**Hhhhhhhh:**

_ [Image of a table. There is nothing remarkable about the table. The image is very low quality] _

2

**MartinGayBlackwood:**

This is a formal apology for stealing Martin's phon e

Oh siht wromg phne

**owo:**

This is a formal announcment that I stole martins phon

and im vry sorry abuot tht

Hlod on

**MartinGayBlackwood:**

Ghhgj

**JonSims:**

_ @Sashionista _ what is going on?

**Sashionista:**

Tim took martins phone and martin just tackled him

**JonSims:**

Are you just watching this go down, sasha?

**Sashionista:**

If course not

Im filming them

Its hilarious

**JonSims:**

Ffs you're supposed to be the responsible one

**Sashionista:**

Since when?

Oh hold on, i think theyre done wrestling

**JonSims:**

Theyre not hurt are they?

**Sashionista:**

I think tim bang his knee on something but he's just laughing

**JonSims:**

He's not drunk, is he?

**Sashionista:**

No, he's just tim

3

**JonSims:**

I cant get ahold of sasha, martin, or tim

I think elias is scolding them or smth

**Sasha:**

He just let me out

Since all i was doing was recording the incident

**JonSims:**

You probably egged them on

**Sasha:**

It was funny

Ive never seen martin run so fast

Or attack anyone

Aren't you the least bit curious how martin looks when wrestling?

**Grifbone:**

👀👀👀 u took a video didn't you?

Show us the sudden fight

Come on, out with it!!

**Sasha:**

Erm, why don't we wait till tim and martin are back online

**Hhhhhhhh:**

_ [Image of a table. There is nothing normal about the table. The image has a few areas of glitchy-looking patches. The table is covered in a spider web pattern on it.] _

_ [Screenshot of a conversation on the discord in which a user called "Asshole Archivist" pretending to be Jon] _

**Sasha:**

Helen, there's no need to dig up old conversations like that

**JonSims:**

Wait

Sasha is still Sashionista on this server

Which means that  _ @Sasha _ is not Sasha

Or rather NotSasha

**Not Sasha:**

the one time helen decides to be coherent

There's always someone

Always someone who realizes

**JonSims:**

An asshole archivist, am i?

**Not Sasha:**

Basira certainly thinks so

**Hhhhhhhh:**

_ [Photo of a yellow door. There is a post-it note on the door. The post-it reads "M gives regards"] _

_ [An image of a bowl of alphabet soup. The letters are arranged to form the words "Sorry not sorry." The second and third words are not separated much, so they look like one word] _

**Von Isro:**

👏👏👏 round of applause for ouR CLOSEST RELative

weLL DONE, HELEN

ALWays the liARS WHo managE TO FInd the liarS

FUNNy how it tuRNS OUT THAT WAy

**Hhhhhhhh:**

_ [Image of a DVD case for the movie "The Santa Clause 2." Tim Allen's face is circled in black marker, but there is nothing else noteworthy about the image] _

4

**Sashionista:**

_ @MartinGayBlackwood @owo _

_ [Video of Tim and Martin.] _

**JonSims:**

I can't believe you

I'm watching it and

I just can't believe how idiotic you are

And Sasha's unexpected schadenfreude

**owo:**

Ddi you spel that from mempry??

**JonSims:**

Autocorrect saved me

**owo:**

lheshkakgadjsgljrl god to know your actualy a litte bit normal

*good *little

**MartinGayBlackwood:**

Im still surprised i nearly won our little fight

**owo:**

Technically you did win

**MartinGayBlackwood:**

It doesn't count

You jammed your knee into the wall

We had to stop after that

**owo:**

I was injured in the fight between us

You won

**JonSims:**

I just finished watching the video and I'm inclined to agree with Tim

Martin is a bit terrifying in that video

Its a good thing he doesn't get mad easily

**MartinGayBlackwood:**

You mean it's a good thing i have self control and don't resort to violence to "solve" disputes

**EBouchard:**

I know you're talking about me, Martin.

**MartinGayBlackwood:**

It's not just you, but you are the one whose violence has affected me most directly

**Daisy:**

can we talk about how badass u r, martin?

**MartinGayBlackwood:**

No

**Basira:**

adsgjfkl fair enough

**Melesbitch:**

I would love to see martin in a fight against someone who wasn't just being an idiot

Tim barely fought back

**wtgGeorgie:**

Holy shit

Martin's a keeper, jon

Don't fuck it up

**xXdarkshadowmonsterXx:**

Looks kinda gay

**owo:**

Nice username

What are you, 15?

**xXdarkshadowmonsterXx:**

Yeah what abt it?

U lost a fight with a fat gay boy

**owo:**

Martin doesn't deserve to be insulted like that

**MartinGayBlackwood:**

No, really, its fine, tim

**xXdarkshadowmonsterXx:**

Shur up fatass gay boy

**owo:**

Don't be such a little bitch

**xXdarkshadowmonsterXx:**

Wtf im gonna report you for that!!!!!!

_ (Bonus content: Transcript of the video) _

_ [Martin has pinned Tim to the ground. Tim has two phones in one hand. Martin tries to grab them, but Tim throws them toward Sasha, who is filming] _

_ [Sasha laughs] _

_**Tim, straining to get out from under Martin:** _

_ Wait, Sasha, are you serious?! _

_**Sasha, mimicking Jon's accent:** Statement of Mahhhhtin Blackwood and Timothy Stoker, regarding the theft of Mahtin's phone, and Mahtin's subsequent attack. _

_ [Tim grunts as he manages to shove Martin off of him. Martin quickly stands up, while Tim doesn't even try to.] _

_**Martin:** _

_ Tim, get up! Stop fooling around like that. _

_ [Tim grabs Martin's leg and tries to pull him, but Martin easily breaks free of his grasp] _

_**Martin:** _

_ Fine. If you're going to be like that, I'll fight back. _

_ [Tim practically cackles as Martin steps on him with one foot.] _

_**Tim:** _

_ If you're going to fight back, put in the effort, Martin! _

_ [Sasha laughs again] _

_ [Tim manages to get out from under Martin's foot, and he pounces at Martin. Martin takes a step to the side, and Tim completely misses. Tim tries to pounce again, but his left leg hits the wall behind him as he turns, and Martin gasps. Tim cracks up as Sasha speaks] _

_**Sasha:** _

_ Oh shit!! Er, statement ends, I guess. _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope i portrayed Tim and Sasha alright... I tried my best. Even relistened to every episode that Sasha is in.


	9. Ceaseless and Alone

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Yep! More LonelyEyes because Tim and Sasha are on the server and they must see how ridiculous it gets there. Btw tim is in a much less chaotic mood now that he's Caused a Commotion recently.  
> Peter quotes a meme probably without realizing and then Callum shows up because i love writing his character. He's the only homophobic character in this but its not his fault that he's an angsty teen surrounded by toxic masculinity and darkness. :P  
> ...actually the darkness IS his fault isnt it?

1

**torture torcher:**

Its agnes missing hours :/

**LonelyLukas:**

_ @EBouchard  _ Love is dead and never existed. All you did was betray me while i lay sick and festering. You are the definition of dread

**torture torcher:**

… do i even want to know what happened this time?

**LonelyLukas:**

Elias stole my fuckign garlic bread

2

**EBouchard:**

Cute gender neutral names for your friends: 

\- source of blood

\- glorified bag of meat

\- "intrepid explorer" (with air quotes)

\- unlovable

**MartinGayBlackwood:**

Wif is wrong with you.

**LonelyLukas:**

He has one fault: he isn't dead yet

**MartinGayBlackwood:**

u two are scary whenever u get divorced

**JonSims:**

Idk, i think "intrepid explorer" is kind of hilarious

Especially in our line of work

**MartinGayBlackwood:**

Don't encourage them jon

3

**LonelyLukas:**

You know what would make this server better?

Ban elias

**owo:**

How does anyone on this server tolerate those two??

**JonSims:**

Honestly i think most of us have given up on caring

**Melesbitch:**

Im dead inside so i never gave a fuck

4

**LonelyLukas:**

Sick of this moping shit

Elias and i are married again

**Sashionista:**

This is the most unhealthy relationship ive ever heard of

You two need counseling

**owo:**

Idk if thres any mariage counselers that could hlep themn

*them

Partly becuase of all the supernatral bullsiht but aslo there both insuferable

**JonSims:**

Wow thats so accurate

**MartinGayBlackwood:**

Ajqhdkfkgldkl thats exactly it holy shit

5

**Melesbitch:**

jfc i just had the worst thought

what if martin amd jon end up like peter and elias

**MartinGayBlackwood:**

Wtf thats a horrible thing to say?!

**Melesbitch:**

i know

i hate it too

**xXdarkshadowmonsterXx:**

Gay boy and jon are too sappy to be depression fraeks like them

Theyll become the kind of couple that grosses evreyone out with kissing and

flirting and being gay 

**MartinGayBlackwood:**

Id be ok with that

_ @JonSims _ 💖💖💖 luv u~~~

**JonSims:**

Love you too

But can we not egg callum on

**Hhhhhhhh:**

🥚🥚🥚

**JonSims:**

Yes, thank you for your contribution helen

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I love having Helen pester Jon. It's such a unique sort of teasing that no other character really does to jon


End file.
